i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
