"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
