Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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