We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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