??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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