My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
