operation harelip BJ is a go
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
soo... how was my night?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
