Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
COCAINE IS GR8
Randomize
