Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
