we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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