You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
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