This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You made out with two different species that night
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
