During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
