Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
