Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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