Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize