During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
