Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
