My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
