It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
