I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
