Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
