i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
