Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I need to calm my uterus...
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize