Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
