Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
