Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
