I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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