Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
