I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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