good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
