My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
