I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
