Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I want her autograph on my taint
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
