is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
we made out on top of his cat.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
