You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
