College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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