y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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