I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
