Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
