Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
