I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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