At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
