I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
