Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
