i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
