hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
