I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Randomize
