My cat gives me a boner
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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