Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
