i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
