Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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