My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
