shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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