my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Randomize
