while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
