Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
