You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize