did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
