I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
