STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
