i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
