yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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