why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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