: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
