According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
