Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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