lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
