the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
