I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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