I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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