We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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