I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
