You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
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