I feel great
I just peed on a car
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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