I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
