I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
