oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
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