just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
He passed out mid-signature
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
