So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
