so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize