Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
