Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
