VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
