Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
