Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
