I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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