Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
She bit a glass in half.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
