having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
When are your genitals available?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Sext me about skeletons
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
