no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
