Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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