I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
There are leaves in my underwear?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
