nut hugger
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
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