yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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