I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
