i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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